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Top fail clips.

Oh, please. As the world – and America in particular – descends deeper and deeper into insanity, this item crosses my desk – proving that I’m either living in a really bad dream, or that maybe someone should start pumping Effexor into the water supply. I don’t know whether I should cry or, well, just cry.

Hey, white Americans! Ready for your own basketball league?

A former pro wrestling promoter (who’d have fguessed) is starting an all-Caucasian basketball league that hopes to start some sweet two-hand passing in June.

According to a press release from the All-American Basketball Alliance, “only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.”

“I don’t hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here’s a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like.”

Yahoo Sports Full Article

Yeah, I’ve probably posted this tune before as well. More testimony from the greatest rock and roll band in history – The Rolling Stones.

I never kept a dollar past sunset, it always burned a whole in my pants…

Have I posted this song before? Doesn’t matter, Keef is God. Deal with it. Keith Richards and Mick Jagger (and the rest of the Stones) perform Happy circa 1972.

There’s a bit of an argument going on at various sports forums about whether SCEA MLB09 The Show contains scripted events. Some say yes, and the butt-kissing grovellers state an unequivical NO!

Well, I just got back from a haircut and decided to play a few more games. I fired up MLB 09 The Show, loaded my RTTS player’s save file, and forged onwards. My first at bat, I hit a line drive which the second baseman picked off. No biggie. Second at bat, I got a juicy 4SFB that trickled right to the first baseman. Hmm… I cried foul and restarted the game. And restarted the game again. Then I restarted it once more.

During each of my first appearances at the plate – no matter what kind of contact I made or what kind of pitch I swung at, the ball went right from my bat into the second baseman’s mitt. Four times in a row.

No matter what I swung at during my second appearance throughout those four games, the ball trickled right to Mr. First Baseman.

So, after restarting the game yet again, I came here to bitch. Now I’m going to play the game one final time. There is NO WAY that I can possibly receive the same results five times in a row during the same game unless the outcome is predetermined before I even start.

In all the games I’ve played this season (now in August of 2015) the second baseman hasn’t robbed me of five line drives. That it happened four times in a row during a game restarted over and over again is fishy. Veddy, veddy fishy.

Update: Ok, so here’s what happened on my fifth play-through. My first “turn” was spent on defence. First batter hit to third, second hit right to me, the last batter (I was playing Arizona btw) hit a weak grounder to second. At first base, I got all three put-outs. My turn to bat.

Up to the plate, there’s no outs and a man on first. Taking the easy way out – and really wanting to get past this damned game – I wait on a sweet four seamer and I… BUNT! Tricked you, you bugger! I make it to first and the runner advances.

Now, before you go and say that that is proof there is no shenanigans at work, the guy on second base – game tired 0-0, no outs – runs for third and is basically out by the time he gets halfway there! Super shenanigans! The CPU wanted its out, so it took the leadoff runner.

So, my next at bat I make solid contact and drive a knock up the first base line. Lucky for me, the hit is foul and just out of the reach of the first baseman. The next pitch is a ball, but the one after that is an easy slider. CRACK! I drill a hard grounder to second and the second baseman grabs it after a bounce, slides along his belly, and throws it to the shortstop at second getting the runner out. Meanwhile, I’m safe at first just as the shortstop throws the ball to the first baseman. I’m in like Flint about ten feet past the bag when the ball finally arrives.

And I get credited (charged?) with a Fielder’s Choice! Fielder’s Choice? How the second baseman could choose to throw it to first while sliding in the opposite direction on his belly is beyond me. So I go 1-3 with a couple of RBI’s (also had a Sac Fly in the game), and finally put an end to this nonesense.

Speaking of crap, in the same game I posted about earlier – MLB 09 RTTS – Run Home! Run Home! I get a goal I have to achieve at my next at bat. The goal is the simple Reach Base Safely. Easy enough.

So, its the sixth inning, and I’m still facing that pitcher who’s addicted to lazy sliders and, after getting the count up to 3-2 and fouling a half dozen balls off, I finally make contact. A weak little grounder right to the second baseman. That’s not my problem, though.

The game was tied 0-0. Sixth inning. Two outs. I get caught out and I’m informed Goal Failed -10 Points. Huh? You normally lose five points, but this was, apparently, a game changing situation. A game changing single with two outs? Please…

For a single to be game changing, my idiot CPU teammates would have to actually hit the ball so I could score a run. That rarely happens. 99% of the time I would be left stranded on first or second base.

Just another example of the collosal laziness at SCEA. Most realistic baseball game ever? Right…

So I’m playing MLB 09 The Show, my first baseman is at bat against the Houston Astros. Houston’s pitcher, who’s name I neither recall nor care to look up – is tossing a crapload of lazy 80mph sliders all game. Basically the most annoying pitch ever, next to the knuckleball. Anyway, I finally broke down and swung at a slow-motion slider that I knew was coming and hit a deep double to centre field. Good enough, but I knew the next batter would invariably strike out.

Surprise, he didn’t. Nope, he drove a single over second base and I head off to third. As I approach the base, my third base is frantically calling for me to stop. Okie dokey, Mr. Coach, I’ll stop at third. But there’s a problem. My guy doesn’t stop, he continues to run home. WTF? I move my left stick trying to get him to stop, go back to third, ANYTHING, but noooo he just continues to run into the waiting catcher. Out!

What a load of crap.

Well, I’ve been playing Sony’s MLB09 The Show a lot (A LOT) on my Playstation 3 recently and – while I’m addicted to the game – there are HUGE problems with it. I like to share my opinion of those problems with people who don’t care to hear about them, so I fully expect to be banned from Sony’s forums soon. I’ll work on getting banned from Operation Sports later…

So I just made a post on Sony’s official forums that’ll make no sense to people that do not play the game, but I’s a-gonna repost here anyway. Mainly because I have a feeling it’ll be deleted.

So here’s my post:

Ok, its not really a secret. It may not seem like fair play or even a lot of fun. But it works.

There are two prerequisites: 1) You have to be able to get a legitimate hit (or two) in a game, and 2) you have to realize that in RTTS your team is irrelevant. It does not matter whether your team is 29 games back, your team is in first place, or if your team is playing in The World Series, bottom of the ninth, two outs away from winning it all.

Your team and their performance have absolutely nothing to do with your success as a Road To The Show player. Its all about YOU. Nothing else – only your performance matters. How many times have you been in a hard-fought battle with eight long innings behind you. The score is 4-3 in your favour when suddenly those dreaded words “Fast forwarding to your next appearance…” appear? Suddenly, you’re losing 11-4. Dayum!

My television and PS3 are WAY too expensive to smash in frustration, so I found an alternate route. Every single time there is a man on first with one out or less, I BUNT! The other bases don’t matter. Man on first, zero or one out, I bunt. Instant sacrifice, and occasionally a base hit to boot. Game situation doesn’t matter, as the dice roll is probably going to cause your team to lose, anyway.

The only time this doesn’t work is in Hit an Run situations – which you will fail by bunting even if you both safely reach base. That goal is just broken. Sorry.

Your “sacrifices” will add up, and are worth a heck of a lot more points than hitting into Double Plays. Those training points can be put into Contact and Power – eventually you will not need to sacrifice at all as you’ll be able to smack the ball around at will. I’ve had games where I got one hit and sacrificed three times. Instant 1.000 batting average for the game. Woot!

So screw your team – you’ll do them more good in the long run by avoiding double plays and improving your player through the massive amount of points garnered through the sacrifice bunt.

Next on the list:

1) The Sacrifice Fly. Men on first and third? One out or less? I be a-poppin’ that puppy to deep centre field!
2) The Assist. You mean I get more points by passing it off to a teammate than by tagging him myself? Well, I’ll be darned.

Oh yeah. That ought to piss them off.

The title says it all. The muppets performing Mahnah Mahnah. From Sesame Street.