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Oh, please. As the world – and America in particular – descends deeper and deeper into insanity, this item crosses my desk – proving that I’m either living in a really bad dream, or that maybe someone should start pumping Effexor into the water supply. I don’t know whether I should cry or, well, just cry.

Hey, white Americans! Ready for your own basketball league?

A former pro wrestling promoter (who’d have fguessed) is starting an all-Caucasian basketball league that hopes to start some sweet two-hand passing in June.

According to a press release from the All-American Basketball Alliance, “only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.”

“I don’t hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here’s a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like.”

Yahoo Sports Full Article

I’m not going to editorialize about this one at all.

A viral cause for vampirism was first reconized as a possiblity in 1616 by the Italian scientist Ludovico Fatinelli. He speculated that vampirism could be caused by a microscopic pathogen. The virus belongs to the Mononegavirales order, along with rabies. The virus can be transmitted through contact of bodily fluid, getting bitten by a vampire bat, or getting bitten by a bat flea.

Right. I must warn you that the full article states, “Today, vampires are cool.” So, take it from there. Full Article

This defintely has a high WTF? quotient. Apparently, South Korean scientists have genetically engineered and cloned puppies that glow in the dark. Finally! Proof that too much edumacation isn’t necessarily a good thing.

Far from just creating novelty pets, those wacky Koreans consider it more important that they can implant specific genes into the animals. Seems they’re also experimenting with human diseases and dogs, as well. The bastards.

You can read the full article, originally posted at at Dream Dogs, and view the photos here: Glow In The Dark Dogs.

I didn’t need to see this. Really. But now that I’ve been traumatized, you can be, too.

Now that you’ve seen it, I’m sure you’ll want to read all about the adventures of the man we call Mr. Vacuum. Yeah, I know the picture is copyrighted, but I’m claiming fair use this time. This is important shit!

Obviously, that link ain’t safe for work (or human consumption). Don’t try this at home, kids – the man is a trained professional. The page is huge and slow-loading, so it may take a day or two to fully load.

Enjoy.

Even though I have no idea what the hell is going on here, I have to make a post about this topic. Kigurumi is the Japanese name for costumed animal characters – like sports mascots, Mickey Mouse, the annoyingly cheerful muppets you find stumbling around your local mall, etc. These characters are sometimes used to entertain children, or as promotional tactics to grab an adults attention.

Now apparently there is a subdivision of Kigurumi called Animegao where dollers (or wierdos) don costumes portraying Anime or video game characters for fun at various (bizarre) events. They often make their extremely elaborate suits by hand.

Reading that, you may think I have some prior knowledge of this. Trust me, I didn’t. After visiting Yuri’s Kigurumi Paradise (purely by chance – honest!) I had to find some explanation.

While it may seem cute, the thought of grown men spending 100s of hours making costumes of young girls that they intend on wearing makes me feel somewhat ill.

We all know that Michael Jackson’s insane, so this following item may not come as much of a surprise to anyone. You should also know that its coming from Michael Luckman, director of the New York Center for Extraterrestrial Research – otherwise known as “that psycho in the tinfoil hat”. I might have taken this seriously if it came from the NATIONAL Center for Extraterrestrial Research, but seeing how it was pawned off on a regional flunky, I’m reserving judgement. Then again, both of these asshats are completely out of their minds, so who knows?

To sum this up, a white African-American child molester from California and a nutjob author from New York want to build a landing strip for aliens in Nevada.

The “King of Pop” or “Wacko Jacko” (as some refer to him) may be looking to expand his Neverland kingdom. This time he’s looking for those little green guys from another planet. Michael reportedly wants to build an airport for aliens. According to Michael Luckman, director of the New York Center for Extraterrestrial Research and author of “Alien Rock,” Jackson would like to set up the landing strip in the Nevada desert. “Michael wants to welcome extra-terrestrials to earth to film the landing,” Luckman said in his book. According to Luckman, Jackson also has claimed to be from another planet himself…

Read more…

The forehead inflation is my proudest contribution to the wacky world of body and performance art. I am the only person in the world to do this!!

That’s certainly a statement I never expected to read.

If you have a burning desire to be considered an artist (even if its by nobody but yourself) and have no real talent of worth, you may want to consider following in Jerome Abramovitch’s footsteps. Jerome invented forehead inflation, so there’s probably patents and all kinds of legal hurdles that would hinder your artistic freedom, but I think knee inflation might be available.

If you’re Canadian there’s probably a government grant available, so you could sit around all day, collect taxpayers money, and inflate the night away.

Warning (of sorts): You may find the images on the linked page disturbing. Or ridiculous. Forehead Expansion

I’m sure a number of you have seen a picture or two of Randy Constan before, but it would be a shame to miss the complete meltdown of reality provided by his wonderful, wonderful webpage – aptly titled Peter Pan’s Fashion Pages!

You’ll laugh along with Little Lord Fauntleroy, Black and Burgundy. You’ll cry over the somber The Blue Dancer… Bits and Pieces!. You’ll kill yourself and your family as your senses are bent over and raped by New ‘Baby’ Blue Boy!

Yes, the internet is a wonderful place.

Unfortunately neither Tom Hanks nor Melanie Griffith are in this short movie, because that would surely kick the entertainment quotient up a few notches. Its amusing enough as it is, though.

I have no idea what flammeable these jokers poured on the massive pile of wood, but I need to get me some of that stuff.

Bummer. The rapscalion who was hosting the movie deleted it from his server.

I have now seen it all. I can now die happy. Or scared.

Masks and Torso